The R.S.V.P card

Guest Blogger: Rebecca Leary from Wedding Paper Divas

Find this invitation & RSVP card set from Wedding Paper Divas

At the very least, wedding invitations include the actual invitation and the R.S.V.P. card. While the wedding invitation sets the tone for the celebration and provides the who, what, when, where and why of the event; what exactly is the R.S.V.P. card? Sure, we know that it means to respond to the sender with whether or not you plan on attending the wedding – but is it perhaps something more?

First, let’s take care of the basics. R.S.V.P. is French for Répondez S'il Vous Plaît, which literally means: respond, if you please. Or simply, please respond. Please note: it is redundant to write: Please R.S.V.P., which would translate to: Please respond, if you please. Now, is the R.S.V.P. card something more than a count of attendance? 

Well yes, and here’s how:

For the Couple
Whether your budget is $5,000 or $50,000, making sure it’s allocated properly and not wasted is a high priority for every couple and the R.S.V.P. card gives you a certain amount of budget control. It is with this card that you can keep a handle on wedding costs by simply filling in the number of guests and/or writing their name(s) on the M line. This way there are no surprise guests and if you want an evening without children, it politely lets guests know they need to make the proper arrangements. Also, if you are offering menu choices, you can offer guests the option to select a single entrée rather than providing dual entrees, letting you make sure the appropriate amount is prepared. Finally, if you are hosting multiple events, simply list all of them on the R.S.V.P. card and keep track of attendance all in one place.

Beyond the budget, the R.S.V.P. card helps build excitement for the day to come. As you start getting them back in the mail, you’ll find that guests, both those attending and those who cannot, often write a personal note of congratulations. Compiled into a book, box or binder, these messages are yet another keepsake of your special day.  

Wedding Paper Divas

For Guests
It is an honor and a privilege to witness one of life’s most intimate moments between two people. As a guest, it is helpful to pay close attention to the subtle clues on the wedding invitation – location, attire, wording, etc. – and the R.S.V.P card, observing the same elements as noted above. Every last detail was carefully selected to let you, as a guest, know what to expect in accordance to the couples wishes – all in an effort to ensure everyone has a great time.

After all, if it was your wedding, you’d expect the same from your guests.

As a final note, to account for those who forget to fill in their name on the R.S.V.P. card, (yes it does happen) simply make a numbered list of the guests and write the corresponding number on the R.S.V.P envelope by the stamp. It’s an inconspicuous spot and will save you the trouble of trying to figure out who sent it.

Author Bio: Rebecca Leary is a seasoned writer and guest author who enjoys connecting people with thoughtful products, services and ideas as they relate to the wedding and event planning industries.

Be Our Guest

To invite a plus one, or not to invite a plus one – that has been a debatable question for quite some time.

If you’re on a budget, the first way to save is to cut the guest list. A good rule of thumb is; if you haven’t had a sit down meal with them in a year, then they shouldn’t be invited to your wedding. This of course doesn’t apply to relatives or close friends that live in another Province/State/Country. Best thing to do is create your list of everyone you want to celebrate with (including your side and his side – get names from both sets of parents too!) and then make some cuts. If you really have to struggle with the decision, let that show you that you likely wouldn’t be upset if they RSVP’d “No”, so save yourself the possible added cost and just don’t invite them.

Bet I sound pretty cut throat right now, huh? Wait, there’s more.

Now that you have your list of guests you must have at your wedding, you have to figure out what to do about those sans relationship. This poses the question of inviting a plus one.

Here’s my take: If your guest is currently single and isn’t dating anyone for more than 6 months, then they shouldn't get a plus one.  If they have been in a relationship for longer than 6 months, then they should be invited – you wouldn’t have wanted someone to exclude you when you were with your hubs-to-be at the 6 month mark, right?

Plus, I think it’s silly to offer a “plus one” just so your guest can invite someone they are casually dating (and you’ve likely never met) just so that they can have a date. If you invite all of your single guests on their own, then volia, they’ve got company – and you could be a possible matchmaker!

Now, I know that this might sound mean, but if you're trying to cut costs, less people = less money spent. So, if you feel that you have to allow your guest to have a date so that they don't respond "No", or are embarrassed to show up stag, or are going to be bored - then be all means invite them with a plus one. Just know you might have to reduce your spending in other areas like flowers, decor, etc to make up the difference.

When inviting a plus one, it’s standard etiquette to get their full name – so get on the phone, or send an email so you can properly address the invitation to your guest and their date. This is VERY important for guests that have a serious relationship by means of living with or being engaged. You MUST address them by their name – they are an official couple. Stating “ & guest” is very informal, and it’s rude to be referred to as that in the seating chart and or place cards. Eeek!

So, will you or won’t you include the plus one for your single guests? No matter what you choose, stick with it and don’t allow some guests to bring a date and others can’t. You should either follow what we’ve suggested, or make your own rules, but no matter what, be firm. When your guest gets to plan their wedding, they’ll see for themselves that the plus one question isn’t so easy after all.

Happy planning!

#Weddings on Twitter

We're on Twitter (@BridesButler) and often while executing Day of Coordination Services will send out a tweet or two of the wedding. I'll include pictures, updates and usually attach a hashtag so that my followers can, well, follow along. You must know though, that I always ask my clients first if they are comfortable with it.

Just this past weekend, I saw a tweet that was an RSVP to a wedding. At first, I'll admit, I was a little concerned. As a Wedding Coordinator, I do my best to aid my clients in staying true to traditions and proper wedding etiquette, but also know that times have changed and social media is a part of almost every one's life. I say almost everyone, because there's still a generation that doesn't use it (IE: Grandparents). You may beg to differ with me here, as even seniors are hip enough to tweet, pin and post - but when it comes to weddings; especially invitations, I suggest to follow the wishes of the couple.

If the invitation includes a self-addressed envelope with a pre-paid stamp, then you should fill out the reply card and send it the good ol' fashioned way. Including these pieces in their invite states that that's how the couple wants to be communicated with. Plus, invitations are quite expensive and adding a reply card with postage is an added expense that shouldn't go to waste.

Now, as I said before, modern times are here and we all need to get on the bandwagon - so if the couple is tech savvy (or wants to eliminate the cost of the reply card) they can request that their replies are sent via email (kimandkevin@gmail.com), phone or via Twitter. If the couple uses Twitter often, they might want to create a hashtag (#KimandKevinsWedding) for any tweets concerning their big day.

If the couple has a wedding website, they can include the URL in the invite and list the ways to RSVP there.  Note though, that you should only have 2 channels in which guests can give you a yay or nay...any more and you'll likely miss a few.

So, getting back to #weddings on Twitter - you can most definitely include your wedding on the popular social site like this Groom did (pictured), but I advise that you do with caution. You should be leaving the tweeting to others, because you should be enjoying your day as Hubs and Wifey. If you want your guests to tweet during your ceremony and reception, include that info in your programs. If you're really tech savvy, have a live stream of the tweets displayed on a screen in your reception venue. Like anything that is captured, these tweets will be a good reminder of the fun everyone had. Just be careful what you tweet (and this goes for Facebook too) - have respect for the couples privacy (not everyone was invited, so not everyone need the details), be courteous to the Bride (aka, post only flattering pictures) and refrain from using profanity - a wedding after all is a formal event - not a house party.

If you don't want everyone tweeting, you can say that as well in your program. Some couples aren't showy and don't want their special day posted to the masses whether it be on Twitter or Facebook. But, if you don't mind - perhaps you can ask a close friend or family member and enlist them as your "Tweet of Honor." Check out this article for more info on what I'm referring to.

So, to sum this all up - I suggest that you ask first and or follow the given instructions. If the RSVP doesn't say tweet your response, then don't. If you still want to tweet or post your attendance anyway, ask the couple first if it'd be okay to do so. Yes, Social Media is the future but, having proper social manners is not the past. At least not yet (here's hoping!)

Happy tweeting!

RSVP No Shows

I've seen it a few times - guests RSVP to the wedding and then are no shows. This is not only poor etiquette, but it adds extra stress for the Bride & Groom.

When you are invited to a wedding and you RSVP "yes", be sure to show up. Unless an emergency arises (family death, illness or severe weather) you should honour your word and attend.

What happens when guests are a no show? Well, firstly food and money go to waste. 99% of weddings, the couple have to pay upfront for meals ordered - this includes quantity of appetizers and plate settings. Also, the couple have ordered their cake and or dessert/late night table based on the number of RSVP's they received. So if there are no shows, there is food and money wasted.

How do no shows add extra stress for the couple (and or their Wedding Coordinator)? The venue is set up and arranged for a specific number of people and with no shows - there can be gaps in the seating arrangements. Someone I know, recently went to a wedding and 2 couples from a table of 6 were no shows - leaving 4 empty chairs. Due to another couple at a different table not showing as well, there were 2 seats available to which they could fill leaving one table completely empty and another entirely full.
But that's good then right? Not really - there is now one empty table, and 6 paid for meals that won't be eaten. But, having an entire table empty is better than having one large table with only 2 people seated at it. The venue staff or your Coordinator can discreetly remove the dishware so that it doesn't look like the table is still awaiting guests.

So - what do you do if you are the guest who is a no show? You should call the Bride or Groom and leave a voicemail as to why you can't attend. If you know someone else who is attending the wedding and you don't want to call the Bride or Groom, relay your message to them so they can give your regards. You should also send a hand written note or email to the couple informing them that you hoped they enjoyed their celebration. As for the gift? If you're invited to a wedding and you RSVP "yes" but don't go - you should still give a gift. Mail a card with a cheque, or drop off the card and or gift in person. But, let me stress this - you must extend a gift and a sincere apology for your absence.

No one likes no shows. If you say you're going to attend a wedding, then do. Weddings are a celebration of two people who wanted you to be a part of it. It's always an honour to be invited to a wedding - and it would be an honor to the couple if you attended.


*Invitation designed by Jolie Papeterie Boutique

CopyKate #02

Invitations are the first thing your guests see for your wedding, unless you are having a Save the Date. You need to set the tone for your wedding through your invite - it helps guests decide if they are able to attend, what to wear, and what is expected of them (travel, costs, etc).

CopyKate #02: The Royal Wedding Invitation

I emailed my friend Sarah from Hip Ink to inquire about William & Kate's Royal Wedding invites, and how couples would be able to get the same look and feel of their invites for a whole lot less.


Here's what she had to say:

From photos I’ve seen, my guess would be that William and Kate’s invitation was likely printed on a 100% cotton, double-thick card, around 6×8 (which is oversize for standard invitations). I’m quite sure that the details were engraved, the royal crest stamped in gold foil and the edges of the card were gilded with actual gold. The invitation would have most certainly arrived in a double envelope.


$16-$20 per invite, plus optional personalization
The Royal Invite was an approx. 6x8 thick cotton card, engraved, with gilded edges and a foil stamped crest. You would probably expect to pay around $800-1000 for 50 invitations that were similar. The engraving - the most expensive printing method for invitations - and gilded edges are what really drive the cost up.

What was interesting about the Royal Wedding invites, at least to us in North America, was the lines where the guests names were written in (in this case it would have been the Royal Calligrapher who wrote them all). This is standard practice (personalizing invitations with guest names) in the UK and Australia, and adds a nice personal touch.

This is definitely something that you could incorporate if you're working with a custom designer. For example, I offer personalization on invitations or RSVP cards for around $.75-$1.00 each.

$9-$10 per invite
A mid-range but very similar invite that would look almost identical could be created using the same cardstock (a 100% cotton double-thick card), letterpress printing (still very chic and high-end) and a foil stamped gold crest (but skipping the gilded edging) for around $450-500 for 50 invitations.

$4-$6 per invite
The standout of this invite is the gold foil crest – keep that element and you’ve got the look. Combine a nice (but not super-thick) cardstock and digital printing, and you've got a more affordable item.

Did you notice that the RSVP information is printed in the lower left hand corner, asking guests to reply to the Lord Chamberlin’s office? As is traditional, and most formal, the reply is to be provided in writing – no email or phone calls here, no little mail back cards – old-school all the way. Also, no reception info. Separate invitations were mailed out for those invited to the afternoon reception held by the Queen, as well as the evening reception held by Prince Charles, and those invitations have not been made public.

So, there you have it. You can recreate Wills & Kate's invites at any price level and still get the same regal look. Contact Sarah for info on your wedding invites, or if you're working with us for Full Wedding Planning we will be able to refer you to vendors like Sarah that offer discounts to our clients.

Cheerio!

The 3-Day Response Rule & Promptly saying Thank You

Did you know that according to proper wedding etiquette, you are to respond to an invite within 3-days? I’ve got to admit that even I haven’t been that quick with responding on more than one occasion.

Sometimes you take longer than 3-days to respond because…
A) You’re not sure if you’re available/can get the time off work, etc
B) If you’re single, you’re not sure to respond as a single or a duo
C) If it’s a destination wedding, you’ve got to factor in vacation time and money into your response decision.

Figuring out any of those options in 3-days is perhaps to some, a little unrealistic - but, etiquette, like any good manners, have rules. Sadly, in today’s society, rules are more likely to be ‘rule of thumb’ rather than proper protocol.

So whether you’re invited to a wedding, bridal shower, bachelorette party or rehearsal dinner, I suggest you do your best to respond quickly – at least within the week you received the invitation – 2 weeks maximum, but definitely before the RSVP due date! It’s unfair that hosts (mainly Brides) have to call their invited guests to confirm their attendance. As a guest, you’ve been selected among many and welcomed to take part in a joyous life event - the least you can do is let the host know that you’d be honoured to attend…or not.

My take on RSVP…. Respond Sincerely & Very Promptly. (This also means if you respond yes, keep your promise and go. No one likes to be blacklisted as the person/couple that didn’t show. Empty seats at a wedding are a big no-no.)

So now that we’ve ‘lectured’ or rather ‘informed’ the guests on proper etiquette – what about the Bride & Groom? They must have some rules to follow too, right? Of course!

Promptly saying Thank You to your guests for everything and anything that they do for you is a must. Some family and friends do more than just ‘show up’ to your event – they give you heartfelt gifts and cards, they offer to help you with DYI details and other wedding/event logistics and sometimes even if they aren’t invited to the wedding they offer to look after your pet and or your house while you’re at your wedding and your honeymoon. Any nice gesture needs a thank you.

It’s most manageable to write and send out Thank You cards as you receive gifts before your wedding. This way it doesn’t feel like you have a whole stack of cards to personalize and sign either before or right after your big day.

Thank You cards should be sent out no later than 6 months after your wedding, anything longer than that is simply distasteful. Plus, if you have a Bridal Shower (or sometimes 2 or 3), you should really strive to have Thank You cards for those gifts sent out before your wedding day. Usually guests give you a gift for your shower, and for your wedding, thus equalling two Thank You cards for two separate gifts – one from just you, the Bride and the other from both of you as a happily married couple.

Images from www.prettypaperinvitations.com
Post based on article found on www.weddingaces.com - "RSVP Today If You Please"

When it comes to stationary....

When it comes to stationary, I like to refer clients to professionals.

If you're not the DYI type and want to have someone else manage this task, then I suggest you check out Cheri from Invitations by SanSheira's. Cheri works with The Bride's Butler and is very creative and fun to work with. She makes all of her invites by hand, and dedicates her time to every couple.

When you meet with your stationary specialist, it's best to have your wedding colours and theme chosen. Knowing the style and feel you want for your wedding helps formulate the perfect invite. The invitation is the first thing from your wedding your guests see - so it helps set the mood and tone of the event.

Is it a formal affair? More casual? A candle light ceremony, or a bunch vow renewal? Weddings come in all shapes and sizes - and so do invites! Try to bundle your invitation order to include all pieces like the RSVP card, direction card, accommodation note and all envelopes. You may also want to order thank you cards along with your invites if your photographer doesn't offer it in their package. One thing to remember when choosing and ordering your wedding stationary is that it should all be consistent with one another. All pieces should reflect the same image/style/feel, etc of your wedding.

Will you be picking your invites based on your theme, cultural background, or just simply by your budget?

Work together with your Wedding Planner and your Stationary Specialist to create your own unique
and personalized invites. It's one of the many tasks in the planning process that is very fun and allows for creativity.

Shown is a Thank You card done by Veronica of Cinnamon Saturday who works with Cheri. This is a cute and whimsical way to take a wedding picture and make it unique.

How will you choose to inform your guests of the style and theme of your wedding? Colours? Textured paper? Ribbons or Jewels?

It's up to you....and your fiance too of course. :)