Toast Do's and Don'ts

Last June I was asked by The Hamilton Spectator for some Do's and Don'ts for wedding toasts.

Here are my suggestions for a flawless toast to the Bride & Groom:

DO

Keep it short. Don’t ramble on, three minutes max. “People have a short attention span as it is.” Five minutes is definitely pushing it. “Rehearse, practice and time yourself.”

Have notes. It seems more natural to just have points of interest to refer back to. “It’s always good to have something written down because your emotions are running high. You don’t want to just fly by the seat of your pants because that’s when the rambling starts.”

Be yourself and be original. Maybe you want to make it rhyme or incorporate a poem that’s fitting. “It shouldn’t be something generic you got online.”

DON’T

Don’t roast the couple. “Keep it classy.” No one wants to hear about an embarrassing moment on such a special occasion. That includes roasting guests, too. “Avoid calling people out on past mistakes in general.”

Don’t toast yourselves. This is more for the bride and groom. If someone says ‘and cheers to the bride and groom” you’re just supposed to just “take it and smile for the cameras.” Do not clap or clink your glasses or raise your glass. “It’s considered poor taste. You’re just supposed to graciously accept the toast.”

Don’t apologize for being nervous. Most people already expect you to be somewhat uncomfortable speaking in front of large groups. “You don’t need to point it out to make it more noticeable.”

How NOT to ruin your wedding photos

Your wedding photos will be one of the most important mementos from your wedding day. The day will go by so quickly, and you'll be having so much fun that you'll need good, quality photos to refresh your memory of what a fabulous day you had!

Choosing a Photographer is a tough decision. I always tell my clients to go with who they feel most comfortable with and who's style they prefer. Do not try to cheap out on your photos. This doesn't mean you have to spend $5,000+, but it surely means you shouldn't be spending less than $500 or asking a friend to do it for free. I saw a fabulous and oh-so-true quote the other day; "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional, wait until you hire an amateur." This quote is bang on - let the professionals take care of you on your wedding day. We have many reasons to call ourselves such.

You've hired a professional and you know they will deliver, but what can you do to make sure that you don't ruin your photos?

Here are some tips on how NOT to ruin your wedding photos:

Create a wish list

Work with your Photographer via email or a face-to-face meeting to discuss the kind of photos you want. Most times you've selected them because of their style, poses, layouts, etc - but if there is a certain pose or location you want, be sure to tell them!
Some popular shots on a wish list are; gown on hanger in window, picture with grandparents, photo of rings/invitation and your something old/new/borrowed and blue.

Have your Photographer stay 

To save money some couples will send the Photographer home after the receiving line or just before dinner. This is a mistake if you want to capture emotions from you, your groom, wedding party, family and guests during dinner, speeches and when the party starts. They don't need to stay all night if money is tight, but have them stay at least until you've cut the cake and had your first dance.

Book in advance

Photographers and Coordinators are two of the first vendors to get booked early. We advise you to do your research and book with your selected Photographer at least 12-14 months in advance. Some times you can get away with as little as 9 months, but don't be surprised if our #1 choice is booked already.

Schedule enough time

Chat with your Photographer and your Day of Coordinator about how much time is needed for your photo shoot. We will be realistic with you and factor in travel time, set-up, people management and weather (sunlight, etc). You want to make sure you have enough time to be relaxed and having fun, but not too much time that your guests awaiting your arrival back are bored.

Feed your vendors

Vendors that get fed are happy vendors, and happy vendors will work better than hungry ones. If you have vendors working over your dinner hour (Photographers, Coordinator, DJ, etc) we highly recommend that you have a vendor table for them and feed them dinner as well. Your wedding day is a long one although it seems to go by so quickly and most of your vendors will be working well before you start to get ready and long after you've gone home.

Look fresh

On your wedding day you will look so radiant and happy because it's your wedding day, but do yourself a favour and eat and sleep well the day before. Same goes for your wedding day, stay hydrated, eat throughout the day and don't get intoxicated.

Have fun

Stuffy photos are a thing of the past. Sure, you'll have the traditional family and wedding party shots, but make sure you're having fun, laughing and enjoying yourself. Don't worry about the small things - this is your Day of Coordinators job. A smiling Bride looks best from all angles.


*Photo by JClay Photography from Helen & Jason's big day

Toasting Etiquette

This past Saturday, I was featured in an article about Toasting Etiquette for weddings. If you didn't get the chance to see the article in The Hamilton Spectator, you can read it here.

What are my Top 3 Do's & Don't's for toasting at a wedding?

DO

Keep it short. Don’t ramble on, three minutes max. “People have a short attention span as it is.” Five minutes is definitely pushing it. “Rehearse, practice and time yourself.”

Have notes. It seems more natural to just have points of interest to refer back to. “It’s always good to have something written down because your emotions are running high. You don’t want to just fly by the seat of your pants because that’s when the rambling starts.”

Be yourself and be original. Maybe you want to make it rhyme or incorporate a poem that’s fitting. “It shouldn’t be something generic you got online.”


DON’T

Don’t roast the couple. “Keep it classy.” No one wants to hear about an embarrassing moment on such a special occasion. That includes roasting guests, too. “Avoid calling people out on past mistakes in general.”

Don’t toast yourselves. This is more for the bride and groom. If someone says ‘and cheers to the bride and groom” you’re just supposed to just “take it and smile for the cameras.” Do not clap or clink your glasses or raise your glass. “It’s considered poor taste. You’re just supposed to graciously accept the toast.”

Don’t apologize for being nervous. Most people already expect you to be somewhat uncomfortable speaking in front of large groups. “You don’t need to point it out to make it more noticeable.”


Thanks to The Hamilton Spectator and writer Hilary Caton for inviting me to be share my expertise on wedding toasts Do's & Don't's.

*Picture is from Eye Contact Photography of one of our  awesome 2011 couples, Jenn & Stephen.

Are you a book lover?

If you love books, or if you're fiance does, or heck, if you met in a library or college - here are a few great ways to incorporate books into your wedding day!

Guest Book

As seen on Every Last Detail Blog and Wedzu.

Centrepieces



As seen on 2000 Dollar Budget Blog & Offbeat Bride.



Invitations/Programs





Escort Cards

As seen on United With Love & Deb Lindsey Photography

"True love stories never have endings"

Mother/Daughter wedding traditions

Many Brides want to involve their mother in as many aspects as they can during the planning process and the wedding itself. Here are a few traditional things you should add to your Mother/Daughter wedding list.

Pick out the wedding dress.

Spending quality time with your mom and picking out your wedding dress is a memory that you'll always hold onto. You can decide to just have your mom by your side for when you say "yes to the dress" or you can include a sister, best friend, aunt and even your future mother-in-law.



Picking out her dress.

Take your mom shopping and help her pick out the dress she'll wear on her wedding day. Again, this day can include an invite to your future MIL as well. A fun shopping day that may include lunch or dinner with a celebratory glass of vino is always a good thing.

Ceremony procession.

If you're mom isn't walking you down the aisle, she is the last person to take her seat before your wedding party begins the ceremony. She should be escorted to her seat by your brother or cousin. If your Bridesmaids are walking solo down the aisle, and you don't have a brother or cousin, then you can have the last Groomsman walk her down, or an usher.

Showing respect & honor.

A lot of couples incorporate their mothers (or both parents) into the ceremony. You can offer her a flower as a token of gratitude, or you can have her (or them) participate in the unity ceremony as two families are becoming one.

Also, be sure to acknowledge and thank your mother during your speech at the reception.

DIY aspects & choosing vendors.

If you're planning your wedding yourself, be sure to include your mom in some of the Do-It-Yourself aspects (a.k.a - craft night!) as well as meetings with your vendors. If she (& your dad) are paying for some or all of your wedding, it's always nice to include them in some of the decision making.


How will you include your mom into your wedding planning and special day?


*article based on tips from TLC Family

Parents of the Bride

Is you're little girl getting married?

First time wedding parents?

According to TLC Family, here are two things you must concern yourself with before your daughter says

"I do":

Finances

Weddings can be expensive. Traditionally, the Bride's parents would host and pay for the wedding, but nowadays you'll often see both sets of parents contributing as well as the Bride & Groom.

Chat with your daughter and future son-in-law and discuss who will pay for what. Will each party give the same amount (i.e: $10,000) or will you pay for specific parts of the wedding like the reception?
It's also customary that the Bride's parents pay for her wedding dress and alterations.

Sounds like a lot of money being spent, right? It is. Be prepared by saving a little each month for as long as you can (some parents start this when she's just a kid). Open a savings account and dedicate it to your contribution to her wedding.

The future-in-laws

Not only should you take time to get to know your future son-in-law (if you don't already know him that well), but you should also get to know his parents. Once your daughter is engaged, invite her fiance's parents over for tea, lunch or dinner. This is a great way to celebrate the happy news and for you to meet (if you haven't yet) and spend time with them.

His parents will be a part of your daughter's new life with her hubby, so it's best if you like them, or at the very least get along with them. Building a relationship with the future-in-laws may save face later as life rolls on when it comes to dividing time for holidays and celebrations.

Check out the article here for TLC's list of the 5 things you should do to prepare.

Taking care of your vendors

Attention almost newlyweds! We know that a wedding is a major expense, and the planning process can be a major pain in the you know what – but, you should be sure to think about how you’re going to treat your vendors.

Sure, they are there to provide a service for you, and they are being paid for that service, so what more do we want, right? Well…there are a few things that vendors are very appreciative of.


There is no such thing as too much information.

Especially if you have a Wedding Coordinator. We want to know all of the details, the timing and your big picture plans for your special day. We want to know who’s where, when and for how long. We want to know who needs to be paid, how much and for what. We want to know your weather back up plans, your set-up plans and your tear down/clean up plans. We want to know it all – and please, tell us!

We will provide you with helpful tools to keep you organized and to help you relay this information to us, but I always tell all my clients – “there is no such thing as too much information.”


Tips.

Tips aren’t always manageable, especially if the couple is on a tight budget, but they are always welcomed.
Be sure to check your contracts as most vendors roll in gratuity in the final bill. If not, it is always nice to say "thank you" to the vendors that go above and beyond your expecations.

Here is a guideline from Real Simple, and if you're still unsure, ask your Wedding Planner/Coordinator:

Bartenders: 10 percent of the total liquor bill (to be split among them)

Catering manager: $200+

Coat check attendants: $1 to $2 per guest

Hairstylist: 15 to 20 percent

Hotel chambermaids: $2 to $5 per room; $10 to $15 if you used a suite as your dressing room

Limo or bus drivers: 15 percent

Makeup artist: 15 to 20 percent

Musicians: 15 percent of fee for ceremony musicians; $25 to $50 per musician for reception

Photographer/videographer: If you’re paying a flat fee with no overtime, $100

Wedding planner: 15 percent of fee

Fuel the engine.

Your vendors are working hard for you, so be sure to give them the fuel they need by providing them with a meal. If your vendors are on site during dinner, then they should eat too. You don't have to serve them the same meal as you serve your guests, but do provide them with something. Also, make sure they know how they can get a drink (non-alcoholic, any good vendor will not drink while on the job) so that they can stay hydrated and alert and execute fabulous services for you.

Also, note that your Wedding Coordinator will most likely want to sit in the room that your dinner and speeches are occuring in. We know that this isn't always possible as seating is limited, but it is beneficial to help us keep a watchful eye on the time. So, it's best to have a vendor table for your DJ, Photographer, Videographer and Coordinator. But, like mentioned, if you don't want them in the same room, be sure that there is a lounge or somewhere they can sit and grab a bite to eat.

Saying Thank You.

Yes, you gave them a tip, and you fed them, but a really great way to say 'thank you' is to include your vendors in your list of cards to be sent out. A lot of vendors use these cards in their portfolio or display them in their office/showroom/store. If you don't want to mail them an actual card, send them a nice email telling them how they helped you on your special day and include a photo too if you have one!
Saying thank you the old fashioned way goes a long way.


Referrals.

In keeping with saying 'thank you', one of the biggest ways you can do this and show your appreciation is to recommend them to a family member or friend that is getting married. We always love booking new clients who've been referred to us from previous clients. It's a pat on the back and confirmation that we left a positive impression and did a good job.
Plus, we always love seeing clients from the past at the wedding of the referal.


*Blog post is generated from personal opinion. Picture provided by Diane Morris from Kelly & Mike's wedding 2010.
*Tip list formulated by Real Simple. Visit their website for more suggestions as some were removed for this post.

Bad Bridesmaids

Bad Bridesmaids - it's more common than you think.

You ask your friends to be in your wedding party because you want them to take joy in your special day. Most will say 'yes' because they are honoured and couldn't imagine not being by your side for when you say "I do" and others say 'yes' because they want to show you love and support during a very stressful time. Then there are some who say 'yes' simply out of obligation - whether that be because of past history with them, or because they are family. Don't get me wrong, sometimes Brides will ask family, future family-to-be and friends to be Bridesmaids because they feel obligated to do so, but either way, once you say 'yes' and become a Bridesmaid you have accepted a position - you have given your word - you have made a commitment to what most consider an honour.

As a Bridesmaid (BM) or Maid or Matron of Honour (MOH) you have a few responsibilities, including but not limited to:

- supporting the Bride & her decisions

- planning and hosting of a Bridal Shower, helping with food & assisting with games

- tag along to as many vendor meetings as possible as requested by the Bride to give your support
- remembering that this is your friends day, so showing respect & tact in all you do

- coordinating a Stag & Doe, selling tickets and attending the event

- planning & attending a Bachelorette Party

- other tasks requested by the couple (within reason of course!)

- As MOH you are the signing witness at the ceremony and you hold the Bride's bouquet for her

Being a bridesmaid is truly an honour and a job to take seriously. Being in a Wedding Party can be expensive, most Brides know this and try to accommodate the best they can by providing payment for hair or make-up on the day of, but mostly as a Bridesmaid you will incur most of the costs. You will likely need to pay for the dress, shoes, accessories (unless given as a thank you gift from the Bride), hair, make-up, Bridal Shower expenses, travel, accommodations, and a gift (typically given by all members of the wedding party to save money). On average you can expect to spend $500 plus when accepting to be a BM or MOH.

If you are unsure of your role and your duties, ask the Bride. Organized Brides will offer you an itinerary, or a friendly budget breakdown as a guide. If you don't think you can handle the responsibilities, time and expenses after you have said 'yes' don't feel bad about talking to the Bride and seeing if you can respectfully decline. Most Brides will understand and will place you in a role like Program Attendant, or they can be a reader during your ceremony so that you can still participate in the event. Whatever you do, don't become a Bad Bridesmaid.

Traits of a Bad Bridesmaid are:

- Not getting along with other members of the Wedding Party.

- Showing up late or not at all to wedding related festivities (Shower, Stag & Doe, Rehearsal)

- Dismissing the requests of the Bride ("No, I will not wear those shoes")

- Blatantly trying to upstage the Bride in any way, shape or form. It is her day, not yours.

- Getting rip roaring drunk at any wedding related festivities, especially the wedding.

- Talking poorly about the Bride, Groom or family members to other members of the Wedding Party, or anyone else for that matter.


So Brides, how do you deal with Bad Bridesmaids? There are many ways, but the best way is to be respectful, tactful and truthful. Tell (don't ask) them to discontinue their role. If this ends the friendship, better to find out now and move on. If it doesn't, as she may feel relieved to have the duty taken away, then place her among other guests so that she can still enjoy your wedding day. For more help on how to deal, give us a call for a Consultation or scour the Internet for tips.

No matter what, there are going to be people that will put a damper on your wedding planning process.
Try not to stress out too much, and keep in mind what you can do for your Bridesmaids to make the experience pleasurable for them and everyone else that's involved.
Good luck!

Are you a DIY Bride?

DIY = Do It Yourself.

You know you're a DIY kind of gal when you like to paint, draw or illustrate (in pencil or using computer software). You also like to make homemade gifts for friends and family, and take pride in your skills. Whether you sew, scrapbook, cook, bake or create - you like to do it all by yourself.

When in comes to planning your wedding and all the little details, you might want to go the DIYroute simply to 'save money' - but this isn't always so as you will have to buy all the materials and tools needed, plus factor in some time to make everything - and depending on your ideas, if it's for each guest, that could be a quantity upwards of 100+. We like to recommend vendors to our clients to take care of these things, but if you're adamant that you must make it all yourself, here are a few DO's for DIYers according to DIY expert, Khris Cochran.

1. DO be decisive. Nothing will sabotage your DIY experience more than being wishy-washy about your projects. Once you get a solid theme or project idea down, stick with it, or you'll waste precious time and resources (and drive yourself crazy).

2. DO start early. Most DIYers vastly underestimate the time needed to complete big projects and end up stressed, over budget, and completely burnt out. My handy little tip: Expect each project to take double the time you expect to complete it and budget that into your calendar.

3. DO get help. DIY ≠ DIA (do it alone). Enlist friends and family to lend a hand with the big stuff. There's no better way to get the party started early than with some craft nights with your nearest and dearest. Pour your favorite beverages and get cozy with your crafty selves.

4. DO shop around for supplies. Spending a few hours comparison shopping can save you hundreds of dollars on tools and materials. Look for store coupons, sign up for retailers' newsletters (a good source for advance notice of sales and discounts) and always check shipping costs when shopping online, because that can often make an online purchase more expensive than if you bought locally.

5. DO forget perfection. The beauty of DIY items is that you made them by hand. Little flaws are absolutely okay. Embrace the fact that you're not a machine!

* This post was inspired and based on The DYI Bride's Top 10 Tips for a One-of-a-Kind Wedding on asiledash.com.

For more inspiration and ideas check out Khris Cochran's  The DIY Bride: 40 Fun Projects for Your Ultimate One-of-a-Kind Wedding and The DIY Bride Crafty Countdown: 40 Fabulous Projects to Make in the Months, Weeks & Hours Before Your Special Day.

True Colours

"But I see your true colors shining through. I see your true colors and that's why I love you, so don't be afraid to let them show your true colors, true colors are beautiful like a rainbow." ~Cyndi Lauper

Choosing your colour palette for your wedding is one of the most pivotal components of the planning process – other than choosing a date and venue. The colours (or colour) you choose will help set the tone, mood, theme and style of your wedding. This decision may come easy, but for others choosing a colour theme might be somewhat daunting.
Below are some helpful hints on how to choose colours for your wedding day.


Big Picture

Take a look at your surroundings. What colours does your venue already have within in it? Is it a yacht club with nautical accents? A golf & country club with naturalistic elements, or is it a banquet hall with gold pillars? For inspiration to get you started, look to the prominent colours of your site or setting.

Maybe the Season is your reason

Perhaps you will choose red, silver and grey for your winter wedding. Or maybe you’re getting married in the fall and you want to play up the colours of the leaves (red, orange, yellow, brown). Whatever the season may be when you get hitched, let the environment help be your guide when choosing your colours.

Trends
Every wedding season has its most popular wedding colours. Check out wedding blogs, magazines and television shows for ideas and inspiration. One of our favourite blogs for colours inspiration is The Perfect Palette. We also like this fun colour palette - you just might find something new about yourself.


Hue do you think you are?
All of the colours of the rainbow have a variety of offspring called ‘hues’. Sure, there is red – but then there’s Scarlett, Maroon, Salmon, Tomato, Cherry, Blush and Coral. Be sure to find out what your colour choice is called. Find a fabric swatch or paint chip if you can that is similar to the colour you’ve envisioned. This will help you when choosing other elements – most specifically stationary.


Consistency is key

Whichever colour you choose, be sure to stay consistent with your choice throughout all of your wedding details. For example, if you decide to have brown as your sole colour, you can incorporate different hues and textures of the colour into your event – but if you have 2 or more colours that aren’t from the same ‘hue’ family, say hot pink and navy, you should try to stay as close to the original colour as possible. Consistency is key and helps maintain the theme, mood, tone and style of your wedding.

Overall, have fun with your colours – make them mean something to you and your groom. Maybe they are your high school colours cause that’s where you met, or maybe they’re derived from your birthstones, or even the national colours of the country you’re visiting on your honeymoon. The choices are endless, and you pretty much have the scale of the rainbow to choose from.

This blog post was inspired by an article featured on www.theknot.com.
“15 Tips for choosing your wedding colours” by Amy Keith.
Images from Google search.

Why hire a Planner??

There are many reasons why couples should hire a planner. When you are planning your wedding and you're reading the magazines, websites and the books for "how to's" and "do's & don't's" most likely  you will see the suggestion to hire a Wedding Planner. There is a reason why they mention this idea...it's a good one!

Here are a few reasons why I think Bride's should hire a Planner.....


#1 - The Bride’s Butler can save you money

We can provide discounts that are only offered through working with a Planner.

I work with plenty of vendors like florists, invitation specialists and photographers - all ready to offer you a value add or discount you couldn't get being a 'walk in' client.

#2 - Less Stress

Take ease in knowing that a professional is working with you to plan the most important day of your life.

As a WPIC (Wedding Planners Institute of Canada) certified Planner, I can take care of all of the problem solving and hiccups for you during your wedding so you don't have to. You'd be surprised by the amount of "behind the scenes" work that goes into executing a wedding....it's a major event!


#3 -You have little time to properly plan your wedding

It takes on average 250 hours to plan a wedding.

With most couples working full time, part-time, shift work or raising kids, it's hard to find the time and dedication to plan your wedding. By hiring The Bride's Butler, we can do some of the leg work for you!
Full Wedding Planning services include having the planner set up meetings with vendors and then attend the meetings, aid you in contracts and agreements, and also be your "go to" person for all the small details....including securing all your favour tags on the gifts, or helping you stuff envelopes, anything that will help you out for your big day!

#4 -You are a detail oriented and organized individual

You cant be 2 places at once on your wedding day.

As the Bride you simply can't set up your hall during the morning because you are to be getting ready for your special day! With a lot more weddings taking place on Fridays & Saturdays, your venue needs to be set up the morning of your wedding - thus not allowing you to oversee the details and the set up instructions. That is the job of the Planner. We are with you for up to 12-14 hours during the day of your wedding.
It's a great feeling to know that all you have to be on your wedding day is the Bride (and not the janitor, decorator or coordinator)!

# 5- Hindsight is 20/20

Ask almost any bride, and she’ll tell you that if she was to plan her wedding again, she would have hired a Planner.

Self explainatory. :)

BB Tip #2 -
When hiring a planner, ask for references, portfolio pictures and check to see if they are certified.