Bridal Shower Etiquette (for hosts)

This seems to be the time that many Brides are having Bridal Showers gearing up for their July, August & September weddings. A Bridal Shower is another festivity that is held to celebrate the marriage, much like the Stag & Doe, Bachelorette & Bachelor Parties and Rehearsal Dinner. The Bridal Shower is typically just for the Bride, although some couples now are having co-ed showers so the Groom can be 'showered' with gifts as well.

If you're a family member of the Bride-to-be or in the wedding party and are hosting a Bridal Shower,
here are some etiquette tips to help you:

1. Immediate family members should not host the event

Mothers, Future Mother-in-laws and sisters should not host the event. A cousin, Aunt, family friend or best friend should be the ones to host. Usually a Bridesmaid, or the Maid of Honour hosts the Bridal Shower.
The reason why this is frowned upon is because a Shower is given with the expectation of receiving gifts and it's in poor taste to host a party that between the lines is read as "give my daughter/sister some gifts please".

2. Only those that are invited to the wedding should be invited to the Shower

As mentioned above that Showers are a 'required gift' event, it is proper to only invite those that are invited to your special day. Ask the Bride for the wedding guest list, and perhaps go through it together with her to help build the invite list. If the Shower is a surprise, chat with the Mother of the Bride & Groom for guest names.

3. Write the Thank You card envelopes yourself

So many times we see guests arrive to a Bridal Shower and are instructed to write their name and mailing address on an envelope. We get that everyone wants an easy task concerning the wedding, but it's not very respectable to the guests. If the couple has sent, or will send a wedding invite to them, they already have their mailing address, so encourage the Bride to take the time to write the envelopes herself, or make labels. Think about the effort her guests have put into being at the Shower - they have shopped for a gift, wrapped it, signed a card, drove to the event, socialized with people they might not know very well, played corny games, watched her open up gifts and most likely dressed up. Don't you think that after all of that, the Bride (with your help) can write the envelopes?
This is one of our hang-ups...can ya tell? We're just saying that a little goes a long way.

4. Say Thank You

Not only should Thank You cards be sent within the week following the Bridal Shower, but the Bride should make sure that she says thanks to each guest whether it be after she's opened their gift, or as they are leaving. No one likes an ungrateful Bride.

5. Pony Up

If you are hosting the Bridal Shower, be prepared to spend some money. Most likely the Mother(s) will offer to pay for the shower, but you should still offer to pay for some aspects as the host. You can offer to have it at your home, or to provide a few menu items, or to pay for the decorations. No matter what, try to contribute to the cost of the event, even if the Mother(s) won't allow it.

6. Dress and behave appropriately

Do not try to upstage the Bride by any means. Dress according to the season and for the location of the event. If you are a member of the wedding party, keep in mind that you are an attendant to the Bride and are there for her. By no means are we saying you are her slave or lackey, but you should always keep in mind that the Shower and any other wedding related event is for her. Enjoy being the sidekick; the conductor in the background.

Do we have you nervous now about hosting a Bridal Shower? Don't be scared - it should be fun and exciting to host an event for the Bride.

Good manners should come naturally, and because for some they don't - we offered a few tips. Whether you are hosting a Shower or attending a Shower, we'd like to know what you think about these tips. Do you agree? Did you abide them? Have you witness them being completely ignored? We'd love to know!

Bridesmaids: How to pull it off

We've said it before, and we'll say it again - being a Bridesmaid (or Maid of Honor) is hard work.
If it was all fun and games like the newest movie to hit the theatres; Bridesmaids, then no one would ever gripe about being one.

As a Bridesmaid you've got to have the dress, shoes, hair, make-up, nails, accessories, gifts, showers, possibly a stag & doe, a bachelorette party, the rehearsal and the wedding itself. Then on top of all that you should provide support, guidance and a shoulder to cry/lean on.

Bridesmaids want to look good on the wedding day, we get that - but you have to make sure that you do not purposefully try to upstage the Bride. It is her day. As a member of the wedding party you should consider yourself a "co-host" for the festivities, especially the ceremony & reception. Be polite, gracious and not overbearing. Do as you are asked, be flexible and simply put; be a good friend.

Still not sure what to expect as a Bridesmaid? Ask the Bride.

You can however be sure of the following:

Money - expect to spend it. If you can't afford $500 upwards to $1,000 to be a Bridesmaid, then respectfully decline. The couple (specifically Bride) should inform you what is expected in the role as soon as she invites you to join the wedding party. By no means should you feel bad or guilty for having to decline.

Attire - the likely hood of you actually liking the dress and wearing it again is slim. There are more styles offered now that able to remain in your wardrobe, but again, it's unlikely. A lot of Brides are opting for black dresses so that the Bridesmaids can wear them again. What you won't see too often are white bridesmaid dresses, although it's more popular in the UK as seen in the Royal Wedding.

Participation - you will need to attend any wedding related meetings, rehearsals, showers, and events. Enjoy each of them to the fullest. Weddings are a great excuse to celebrate and enjoy life.

If you've been asked to be a Bridesmaid, perhaps you might consider giving a gift to the couple from all  members of the Wedding Party. If you all chip in a little bit for a gift, it will help all of your pocket books. And if you want to do the Bride a big favour, hire us for Day of Coordination. Having us there on the wedding day will allow you and everyone at the wedding to simply enjoy the day for what it is - a gathering of family & friends to celebrate a union of love. No Bridesmaid I've ever known wants to feel like an employee of the Bride on her special day. You are her attendants, there to take part in the occasion with her.

Have fun!

Bad Bridesmaids

Bad Bridesmaids - it's more common than you think.

You ask your friends to be in your wedding party because you want them to take joy in your special day. Most will say 'yes' because they are honoured and couldn't imagine not being by your side for when you say "I do" and others say 'yes' because they want to show you love and support during a very stressful time. Then there are some who say 'yes' simply out of obligation - whether that be because of past history with them, or because they are family. Don't get me wrong, sometimes Brides will ask family, future family-to-be and friends to be Bridesmaids because they feel obligated to do so, but either way, once you say 'yes' and become a Bridesmaid you have accepted a position - you have given your word - you have made a commitment to what most consider an honour.

As a Bridesmaid (BM) or Maid or Matron of Honour (MOH) you have a few responsibilities, including but not limited to:

- supporting the Bride & her decisions

- planning and hosting of a Bridal Shower, helping with food & assisting with games

- tag along to as many vendor meetings as possible as requested by the Bride to give your support
- remembering that this is your friends day, so showing respect & tact in all you do

- coordinating a Stag & Doe, selling tickets and attending the event

- planning & attending a Bachelorette Party

- other tasks requested by the couple (within reason of course!)

- As MOH you are the signing witness at the ceremony and you hold the Bride's bouquet for her

Being a bridesmaid is truly an honour and a job to take seriously. Being in a Wedding Party can be expensive, most Brides know this and try to accommodate the best they can by providing payment for hair or make-up on the day of, but mostly as a Bridesmaid you will incur most of the costs. You will likely need to pay for the dress, shoes, accessories (unless given as a thank you gift from the Bride), hair, make-up, Bridal Shower expenses, travel, accommodations, and a gift (typically given by all members of the wedding party to save money). On average you can expect to spend $500 plus when accepting to be a BM or MOH.

If you are unsure of your role and your duties, ask the Bride. Organized Brides will offer you an itinerary, or a friendly budget breakdown as a guide. If you don't think you can handle the responsibilities, time and expenses after you have said 'yes' don't feel bad about talking to the Bride and seeing if you can respectfully decline. Most Brides will understand and will place you in a role like Program Attendant, or they can be a reader during your ceremony so that you can still participate in the event. Whatever you do, don't become a Bad Bridesmaid.

Traits of a Bad Bridesmaid are:

- Not getting along with other members of the Wedding Party.

- Showing up late or not at all to wedding related festivities (Shower, Stag & Doe, Rehearsal)

- Dismissing the requests of the Bride ("No, I will not wear those shoes")

- Blatantly trying to upstage the Bride in any way, shape or form. It is her day, not yours.

- Getting rip roaring drunk at any wedding related festivities, especially the wedding.

- Talking poorly about the Bride, Groom or family members to other members of the Wedding Party, or anyone else for that matter.


So Brides, how do you deal with Bad Bridesmaids? There are many ways, but the best way is to be respectful, tactful and truthful. Tell (don't ask) them to discontinue their role. If this ends the friendship, better to find out now and move on. If it doesn't, as she may feel relieved to have the duty taken away, then place her among other guests so that she can still enjoy your wedding day. For more help on how to deal, give us a call for a Consultation or scour the Internet for tips.

No matter what, there are going to be people that will put a damper on your wedding planning process.
Try not to stress out too much, and keep in mind what you can do for your Bridesmaids to make the experience pleasurable for them and everyone else that's involved.
Good luck!