Cat fight.

If you didn't read the last post about the guest that attended a wedding and got called out by the Bride for giving a so-called "bad gift," you might want to do that here before I go into a tangent.

I had my say on the situation in the previous blog post, and also chatted about it with many friends and family - my opinion stayed the same...until now. The other day I read another article that displayed the text and email conversations between the guest and the Bride and to say I was disgusted is an understatement.

This situation was and is nothing more than a glorified cat fight.

Both parties are at fault. Both are trying to school the other on how to behave, react and treat others. I'm a big believer of "treat others the way you want to be treated", as well as "what we don't know won't hurt us."
Neither the guest or the Bride treated one another with respect, and at times I felt the conversations between the two aired on the side of bullying. To tell someone that they were the talk of your wedding and should be embarrassed that they were talked about and laughed at is a) not nice to tell someone, and b) not nice to do. Why on earth would you be so immature at your own wedding and so disrespectful to another is beyond me. It was a wedding and not a high school prom, right?

The fact that both of them took jabs at one another was hard to read. Weddings are to be a joyous occasion and bring people together, not tear them apart. Clearly, these girls shouldn't be friends, and that is how I would have handled the entire situation. If I was the guest and got that initial text, I would have thanked her for her opinion and then cut her out of my life. No one needs to be judged or made to feel bad for a decision they made with good intentions. But on the other hand, no one likes to be schooled about how to behave after the behavior has been executed, and both the guest and the Bride did that. Keep your comments to yourself, be gracious and be thankful. If you want to make fun of the gift choice to your new husband or wife, do that behind closed doors. Have a chuckle and leave it at that.
If you get scolded by a bride or groom for your gift choice, then make note of the type of personality trait they are showing (selfish, ungrateful, etc) and consider a friendship lost - don't go telling all of your friends and the local newspaper of their lack of tact because it just shows that you don't have much either.

So folks, at the end of this rant, I'd like to say tisk tisk to both the guest and the Bride. I'm tired of hearing about it, and reading about it, aren't you? Let's just drop this topic and call it what it is....a cat fight.

Bad gift or bad Bride?

A girl and her partner attended an acquaintance's wedding and gifted the Brides with a basket of goodies including premium salsa, chips, marshmallow fluff spread and other sweet treats. She took the time to shop for these treats, and signed the card with, "Life is delicious - Enjoy!" Not your standard wedding gift, but a kind gesture none the less to wish the newlyweds well.

After the wedding, one of the Brides texted the girl with this;"I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future."

You know what I have to say to that? Tisk, tisk. 

Firstly, shame on the Bride for sending a text like that, and shame on her for not thinking the girls gift was up to par. I would have retorted to that text with a simple "Just an envelope, eh? I think my gift was better than a paper letter holder." But, that's just me.

When you get married, do not expect guests to even give you a gift. Getting a gift should not be an expectation. If you are only getting married and having a wedding to reap a whack load of money and or gadgets for your home - don't have a wedding. I'm a firm believer that your wedding shouldn't put your guests in the poor house. There are showers, Stag & Does, Bachelorette parties and then the wedding...that is enough to put anyone into overdraft.

Also, expecting your guests to know the cost per plate is ridiculous. Guests should give what they can afford, not what they 'think' each plate is worth. Every wedding is different, and there is no way of telling how much or how little the couple spent hosting their wedding.

In my opinion, I think giving a gift that you chose as a personalized gift (i.e: not a cheque and not something from the registry) is a nice gesture. I'm a fan of personalized gifts. In fact, I have given personalized gifts in the past to friends, and they have been thankful for them. Once, I gave a friend a limited edition print that had a beautiful winter scene and had a Bernese mountain dog in it, which is the breed she owns. I also had it personally signed by the artist. Had she had balked at that gift, I think it would have put our friendship in perspective. Real friends don't judge you on your choices, especially when it comes to gifts. Tisk Tisk. Which brings me to another point, why did this Bride invite the girl who is stated as being an "acquaintance"? You are to invite your closest family and friends to your wedding to celebrate in your joy, not everyone that you know or have talked to a handful of times. That is greedy. My rule of thumb for inviting guests; if you haven't had a sit down meal with them in the past calendar year, they shouldn't make the cut. 

I could go on about how this Bride was out of line sending that text and having that reaction to the gift, but I won't. What I will say again is, if you are having a wedding to make money, don't have one. Do you have a dinner party at your home so you can stock up on bottles of wine and or flowers? No. Do you have a birthday or Anniversary party so you can get gifts? No. You should gather with your friends because you want to celebrate with them, and spend time with them - not to get anything else in return.

So, tisk tisk to the Bride. And I say Bravo to the girl for giving a gift that she felt was suited for the couple. Bad gift? Nope. Bad Bride? Heck yes.

To read this entire story, check it out here on thespec.com

Toasting Etiquette

This past Saturday, I was featured in an article about Toasting Etiquette for weddings. If you didn't get the chance to see the article in The Hamilton Spectator, you can read it here.

What are my Top 3 Do's & Don't's for toasting at a wedding?

DO

Keep it short. Don’t ramble on, three minutes max. “People have a short attention span as it is.” Five minutes is definitely pushing it. “Rehearse, practice and time yourself.”

Have notes. It seems more natural to just have points of interest to refer back to. “It’s always good to have something written down because your emotions are running high. You don’t want to just fly by the seat of your pants because that’s when the rambling starts.”

Be yourself and be original. Maybe you want to make it rhyme or incorporate a poem that’s fitting. “It shouldn’t be something generic you got online.”


DON’T

Don’t roast the couple. “Keep it classy.” No one wants to hear about an embarrassing moment on such a special occasion. That includes roasting guests, too. “Avoid calling people out on past mistakes in general.”

Don’t toast yourselves. This is more for the bride and groom. If someone says ‘and cheers to the bride and groom” you’re just supposed to just “take it and smile for the cameras.” Do not clap or clink your glasses or raise your glass. “It’s considered poor taste. You’re just supposed to graciously accept the toast.”

Don’t apologize for being nervous. Most people already expect you to be somewhat uncomfortable speaking in front of large groups. “You don’t need to point it out to make it more noticeable.”


Thanks to The Hamilton Spectator and writer Hilary Caton for inviting me to be share my expertise on wedding toasts Do's & Don't's.

*Picture is from Eye Contact Photography of one of our  awesome 2011 couples, Jenn & Stephen.

Facebook Wedding Etiquette

Facebook has more than 800 million active users. That's a lot of likes, wall posts, photo uploads and tags.
Like most things in life, there are certain rules to follow for certain tasks.
Do you know how to properly use Facebook during your planning process?

Here are some guidelines when using the popular social media site:



Announcing your engagement.

It's totally normal to want to shout it from the rooftops and Facebook is the perfect platform to do so. Update your status to "we're engaged" or "is gonna be a Mrs!" to tell all of your friends about the proposal. You can also upload a picture of your diamond, or if you've got pics or video of him popping the question, by all means share it.

Sharing some of the details.

Feel free to share your wedding date via a status update, but be sure to keep it simple and to the point. Not all of your 100+ friends on FB will be invited to your big day, so be a little sensitive to that. And of course, change your relationship status from "in a relationship" to "engaged!!"

A lot of Brides like to keep everyone in the know about their planning process, and again, feel free to do this with your status, but be sure not to go overboard with Bride Brain.

Sharing a countdown to your special day is okay too - just try to stick with the landmarks of one year, 6 months, 1 week and 1 day. Seeing a constant countdown for most, is annoying.

Proper etiquette would be that you don't post your Registry information online. Getting a gift for getting married is a privilege, and not a right. If people (guests) want to buy you something, they will ask you, your fiance, a family member or a friend.

After your wedding feel free to brag a little. Heck, brag a lot. Post your pictures, thank your guests and  change your relationship status from "engaged" to "MARRIED!"
Just make sure to keep everything positive, do not complain about guest behaviour, or how much your new mother-in-law got on your nerves.

Wrap up all your wedding talk within 6 months, or less. As much as you're stoked to now be a Mrs, there are other things that should be important in your life as well.

Invitations.

Do not by any means invite friends/family/co-workers to your wedding using Facebook. Send out a proper invite with an RSVP card for them to reply.

Bridal Showers, Stag & Does and Bachelorette/Bachelor Parties can have Facebook Event pages to keep everyone in the loop, but we still advise that you send out proper invites or personal emails to all invited.



Incorporate FB into your Bridal Shower with customized cookies!

 Vendors.

Use Facebook to help you find vendors - that is if you don't have a Wedding Planner. And be sure to "like" the Fan Pages of the vendors you book with. Not only does it show support, but you just might see your wedding crop up in their status updates or albums.

While we're chatting about vendors, make note that it is a big no-no to post anything negative about your vendors through the social media site. We know that planning a wedding can be stressful, but please do not use Facebook to bad mouth anyone. Send an email or pick up the phone and make a call instead if you're not happy with their services/products.

On the day of.

Do not log on Facebook on your wedding day. You can change your status and upload photos the day after, or even when you get back from your honeymoon. Enjoy the day and stay offline.

Posting as a guest.

Most of your guests will post pictures from your big day on Facebook and tag you in the pictures. If this bothers you tell your friends that. Some people are private and do not want memories from their special day to go viral. There's no harm in placing a small note on your ceremony programs that you wish to be shown any pictures prior to posting - or that pictures simply aren't posted. Remember though, you can't control what others post, but you can ask - there's nothing wrong with asking and making that request.

However, as a guest - do your best to be respectful to the newlyweds and only post pictures that display them in their best light. Do the same for members of the wedding party - no one wants to see the Best Man making out with the Grooms sister. Tisk, tisk.

Now, go on....log on to Facebook and "like" us - The Bride's Butler.

Etiquette Tip: Setting a Table

Do you know how to properly set a table for an event? Maybe you're hosting a Bridal Shower, Rehearsal Dinner or just simply a Dinner Party and you have no idea what is proper etiquette for the table setting.

Here are a few diagrams to show you just how to do it.

Informal:
This set up is great for casual Bridal Showers, Baby Showers, Breakfasts or Luncheons.

Almost everyone has the silverware and dishware displayed in this diagram. If you're not serving alcohol, you should remove the wine class and replace it with a saucer and cup (which normally sits beside the soup spoon, but you can put it where the wineglass would be to save some space).

Remember this, you always enjoy your meal from the outside in.

Formal:

Now it gets a whole lot trickier. If you're hosting an event where you are the one setting the table, then take note. Again, you eat from the outside in, finishing your meal at the top with the dessert spoon and or cake fork. After each course, you should be removing the appropriate silverware and dishware.

At the end of the meal, you should only be left with the place card, water glass, cup and saucer, napkin and dessert utensils & plate.

Remember to place your napkin on your lap, and if you excuse yourself from the table during the meal, place it on your chair (or on the back of your chair if it's not overly soiled). The only time you can place your napkin on the table is when you are finished eating. Another way to signal that you are finished is to place your dinner fork and dinner knife side by side with the ends resting at the 5 if your plate was a clock. If you cross your knife and fork over one another to form an 'x', this tells the serving staff that you are not finished, but merely taking a break (ie: restroom).

As a guest, do your best to follow the place setting and using the proper utensil for the meal. If you're unsure, watch what others are doing at your table and you'll be just fine.

Bon Appetite!

The Bride wore white...& so did the Maids.

I saw this post last month on The Knotty Bride & although the Bride looks stunning, I just couldn't help but think...Bridesmaids wearing white?!?!

To me, that is the colour reserved for the Bride, and only the Bride. I'm actually quite against guests wearing white as well, or any shade resembling it - champagne, ivory or pale silver.

Am I totally old fashioned or what?    

Would you want your Bridesmaids to wear white for your wedding?

*inspired by post writen by Alison on The Knotty Bride. Pictures taken by Max Wanger.