Toast Do's and Don'ts

Last June I was asked by The Hamilton Spectator for some Do's and Don'ts for wedding toasts.

Here are my suggestions for a flawless toast to the Bride & Groom:

DO

Keep it short. Don’t ramble on, three minutes max. “People have a short attention span as it is.” Five minutes is definitely pushing it. “Rehearse, practice and time yourself.”

Have notes. It seems more natural to just have points of interest to refer back to. “It’s always good to have something written down because your emotions are running high. You don’t want to just fly by the seat of your pants because that’s when the rambling starts.”

Be yourself and be original. Maybe you want to make it rhyme or incorporate a poem that’s fitting. “It shouldn’t be something generic you got online.”

DON’T

Don’t roast the couple. “Keep it classy.” No one wants to hear about an embarrassing moment on such a special occasion. That includes roasting guests, too. “Avoid calling people out on past mistakes in general.”

Don’t toast yourselves. This is more for the bride and groom. If someone says ‘and cheers to the bride and groom” you’re just supposed to just “take it and smile for the cameras.” Do not clap or clink your glasses or raise your glass. “It’s considered poor taste. You’re just supposed to graciously accept the toast.”

Don’t apologize for being nervous. Most people already expect you to be somewhat uncomfortable speaking in front of large groups. “You don’t need to point it out to make it more noticeable.”

How NOT to ruin your wedding photos

Your wedding photos will be one of the most important mementos from your wedding day. The day will go by so quickly, and you'll be having so much fun that you'll need good, quality photos to refresh your memory of what a fabulous day you had!

Choosing a Photographer is a tough decision. I always tell my clients to go with who they feel most comfortable with and who's style they prefer. Do not try to cheap out on your photos. This doesn't mean you have to spend $5,000+, but it surely means you shouldn't be spending less than $500 or asking a friend to do it for free. I saw a fabulous and oh-so-true quote the other day; "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional, wait until you hire an amateur." This quote is bang on - let the professionals take care of you on your wedding day. We have many reasons to call ourselves such.

You've hired a professional and you know they will deliver, but what can you do to make sure that you don't ruin your photos?

Here are some tips on how NOT to ruin your wedding photos:

Create a wish list

Work with your Photographer via email or a face-to-face meeting to discuss the kind of photos you want. Most times you've selected them because of their style, poses, layouts, etc - but if there is a certain pose or location you want, be sure to tell them!
Some popular shots on a wish list are; gown on hanger in window, picture with grandparents, photo of rings/invitation and your something old/new/borrowed and blue.

Have your Photographer stay 

To save money some couples will send the Photographer home after the receiving line or just before dinner. This is a mistake if you want to capture emotions from you, your groom, wedding party, family and guests during dinner, speeches and when the party starts. They don't need to stay all night if money is tight, but have them stay at least until you've cut the cake and had your first dance.

Book in advance

Photographers and Coordinators are two of the first vendors to get booked early. We advise you to do your research and book with your selected Photographer at least 12-14 months in advance. Some times you can get away with as little as 9 months, but don't be surprised if our #1 choice is booked already.

Schedule enough time

Chat with your Photographer and your Day of Coordinator about how much time is needed for your photo shoot. We will be realistic with you and factor in travel time, set-up, people management and weather (sunlight, etc). You want to make sure you have enough time to be relaxed and having fun, but not too much time that your guests awaiting your arrival back are bored.

Feed your vendors

Vendors that get fed are happy vendors, and happy vendors will work better than hungry ones. If you have vendors working over your dinner hour (Photographers, Coordinator, DJ, etc) we highly recommend that you have a vendor table for them and feed them dinner as well. Your wedding day is a long one although it seems to go by so quickly and most of your vendors will be working well before you start to get ready and long after you've gone home.

Look fresh

On your wedding day you will look so radiant and happy because it's your wedding day, but do yourself a favour and eat and sleep well the day before. Same goes for your wedding day, stay hydrated, eat throughout the day and don't get intoxicated.

Have fun

Stuffy photos are a thing of the past. Sure, you'll have the traditional family and wedding party shots, but make sure you're having fun, laughing and enjoying yourself. Don't worry about the small things - this is your Day of Coordinators job. A smiling Bride looks best from all angles.


*Photo by JClay Photography from Helen & Jason's big day

Managing Expectations

Let's consider this post a little pep talk....or free advice per say.

Your Day of Coordinator can only be as organized as you are. Plain and simple.
It's our job on your wedding day to assist with tasks that you are physically unable to do yourself. For example; set up your reception area with your centrepieces, favours, escort cards, etc. Not only do we do the so-called 'grunt' work for you, but we also do our best to keep every one and every thing on time.


It's our job to reduce your workload and amount of stress. Now, let me reinstate what I've already said...we can only be as organized as you are. We'll provide you with useful documents like a timeline and vendor information sheets to guide you, but ultimately if you're not organized, we won't be either.


The best weddings we've executed Day of Coordination services for are the ones that the Bride has checklists, pictures and instructions for set-up and decor, labeled containers/boxes with all the little details and copies of all vendor contracts. With these items we are able to bring your vision to life, without them we're walking into your event blind.


Upon booking Day of Coordination with The Bride's Butler, we give you tools to help you be organized, and we offer continuous support via email or phone two months prior to your big day. Use this time to ask any last minute questions, air your concerns about a specific vendor and fill us in on family or guest drama (cause no matter what, there's always a little of that). When we meet for our final meeting prior to your big day, typically 1 week before, have all your information ready. We'll remind you of what items we'll need just so you don't feel overwhelmed or lost. Having a floor plan and all of your check lists handy for this final meeting helps us in getting your big picture plan.


I always tell my clients, there is no such thing as too much information. Saturate us with it - I want to be able to see the dream wedding you've been planning these past 12-18 months in my mind.


Day of Coordination services are for the Bride that plans her own wedding, chooses and secures her own vendors, and   knows what she wants. This package is perfect for Brides that want to be able to step away from delegation and the so-called Bridezilla role and simply enjoy her day with her new hubby, friends and family.


Having a Day of Coordinator on site is something you won't regret, when done right. Ask any vendor who's worked with us, or previous clients and they'll agree. If you're organized, you'll get the wedding you always wanted.


Happy planning!

Toasting Etiquette

This past Saturday, I was featured in an article about Toasting Etiquette for weddings. If you didn't get the chance to see the article in The Hamilton Spectator, you can read it here.

What are my Top 3 Do's & Don't's for toasting at a wedding?

DO

Keep it short. Don’t ramble on, three minutes max. “People have a short attention span as it is.” Five minutes is definitely pushing it. “Rehearse, practice and time yourself.”

Have notes. It seems more natural to just have points of interest to refer back to. “It’s always good to have something written down because your emotions are running high. You don’t want to just fly by the seat of your pants because that’s when the rambling starts.”

Be yourself and be original. Maybe you want to make it rhyme or incorporate a poem that’s fitting. “It shouldn’t be something generic you got online.”


DON’T

Don’t roast the couple. “Keep it classy.” No one wants to hear about an embarrassing moment on such a special occasion. That includes roasting guests, too. “Avoid calling people out on past mistakes in general.”

Don’t toast yourselves. This is more for the bride and groom. If someone says ‘and cheers to the bride and groom” you’re just supposed to just “take it and smile for the cameras.” Do not clap or clink your glasses or raise your glass. “It’s considered poor taste. You’re just supposed to graciously accept the toast.”

Don’t apologize for being nervous. Most people already expect you to be somewhat uncomfortable speaking in front of large groups. “You don’t need to point it out to make it more noticeable.”


Thanks to The Hamilton Spectator and writer Hilary Caton for inviting me to be share my expertise on wedding toasts Do's & Don't's.

*Picture is from Eye Contact Photography of one of our  awesome 2011 couples, Jenn & Stephen.

Mother/Daughter wedding traditions

Many Brides want to involve their mother in as many aspects as they can during the planning process and the wedding itself. Here are a few traditional things you should add to your Mother/Daughter wedding list.

Pick out the wedding dress.

Spending quality time with your mom and picking out your wedding dress is a memory that you'll always hold onto. You can decide to just have your mom by your side for when you say "yes to the dress" or you can include a sister, best friend, aunt and even your future mother-in-law.



Picking out her dress.

Take your mom shopping and help her pick out the dress she'll wear on her wedding day. Again, this day can include an invite to your future MIL as well. A fun shopping day that may include lunch or dinner with a celebratory glass of vino is always a good thing.

Ceremony procession.

If you're mom isn't walking you down the aisle, she is the last person to take her seat before your wedding party begins the ceremony. She should be escorted to her seat by your brother or cousin. If your Bridesmaids are walking solo down the aisle, and you don't have a brother or cousin, then you can have the last Groomsman walk her down, or an usher.

Showing respect & honor.

A lot of couples incorporate their mothers (or both parents) into the ceremony. You can offer her a flower as a token of gratitude, or you can have her (or them) participate in the unity ceremony as two families are becoming one.

Also, be sure to acknowledge and thank your mother during your speech at the reception.

DIY aspects & choosing vendors.

If you're planning your wedding yourself, be sure to include your mom in some of the Do-It-Yourself aspects (a.k.a - craft night!) as well as meetings with your vendors. If she (& your dad) are paying for some or all of your wedding, it's always nice to include them in some of the decision making.


How will you include your mom into your wedding planning and special day?


*article based on tips from TLC Family

Parents of the Bride

Is you're little girl getting married?

First time wedding parents?

According to TLC Family, here are two things you must concern yourself with before your daughter says

"I do":

Finances

Weddings can be expensive. Traditionally, the Bride's parents would host and pay for the wedding, but nowadays you'll often see both sets of parents contributing as well as the Bride & Groom.

Chat with your daughter and future son-in-law and discuss who will pay for what. Will each party give the same amount (i.e: $10,000) or will you pay for specific parts of the wedding like the reception?
It's also customary that the Bride's parents pay for her wedding dress and alterations.

Sounds like a lot of money being spent, right? It is. Be prepared by saving a little each month for as long as you can (some parents start this when she's just a kid). Open a savings account and dedicate it to your contribution to her wedding.

The future-in-laws

Not only should you take time to get to know your future son-in-law (if you don't already know him that well), but you should also get to know his parents. Once your daughter is engaged, invite her fiance's parents over for tea, lunch or dinner. This is a great way to celebrate the happy news and for you to meet (if you haven't yet) and spend time with them.

His parents will be a part of your daughter's new life with her hubby, so it's best if you like them, or at the very least get along with them. Building a relationship with the future-in-laws may save face later as life rolls on when it comes to dividing time for holidays and celebrations.

Check out the article here for TLC's list of the 5 things you should do to prepare.

Bad Bridesmaids

Bad Bridesmaids - it's more common than you think.

You ask your friends to be in your wedding party because you want them to take joy in your special day. Most will say 'yes' because they are honoured and couldn't imagine not being by your side for when you say "I do" and others say 'yes' because they want to show you love and support during a very stressful time. Then there are some who say 'yes' simply out of obligation - whether that be because of past history with them, or because they are family. Don't get me wrong, sometimes Brides will ask family, future family-to-be and friends to be Bridesmaids because they feel obligated to do so, but either way, once you say 'yes' and become a Bridesmaid you have accepted a position - you have given your word - you have made a commitment to what most consider an honour.

As a Bridesmaid (BM) or Maid or Matron of Honour (MOH) you have a few responsibilities, including but not limited to:

- supporting the Bride & her decisions

- planning and hosting of a Bridal Shower, helping with food & assisting with games

- tag along to as many vendor meetings as possible as requested by the Bride to give your support
- remembering that this is your friends day, so showing respect & tact in all you do

- coordinating a Stag & Doe, selling tickets and attending the event

- planning & attending a Bachelorette Party

- other tasks requested by the couple (within reason of course!)

- As MOH you are the signing witness at the ceremony and you hold the Bride's bouquet for her

Being a bridesmaid is truly an honour and a job to take seriously. Being in a Wedding Party can be expensive, most Brides know this and try to accommodate the best they can by providing payment for hair or make-up on the day of, but mostly as a Bridesmaid you will incur most of the costs. You will likely need to pay for the dress, shoes, accessories (unless given as a thank you gift from the Bride), hair, make-up, Bridal Shower expenses, travel, accommodations, and a gift (typically given by all members of the wedding party to save money). On average you can expect to spend $500 plus when accepting to be a BM or MOH.

If you are unsure of your role and your duties, ask the Bride. Organized Brides will offer you an itinerary, or a friendly budget breakdown as a guide. If you don't think you can handle the responsibilities, time and expenses after you have said 'yes' don't feel bad about talking to the Bride and seeing if you can respectfully decline. Most Brides will understand and will place you in a role like Program Attendant, or they can be a reader during your ceremony so that you can still participate in the event. Whatever you do, don't become a Bad Bridesmaid.

Traits of a Bad Bridesmaid are:

- Not getting along with other members of the Wedding Party.

- Showing up late or not at all to wedding related festivities (Shower, Stag & Doe, Rehearsal)

- Dismissing the requests of the Bride ("No, I will not wear those shoes")

- Blatantly trying to upstage the Bride in any way, shape or form. It is her day, not yours.

- Getting rip roaring drunk at any wedding related festivities, especially the wedding.

- Talking poorly about the Bride, Groom or family members to other members of the Wedding Party, or anyone else for that matter.


So Brides, how do you deal with Bad Bridesmaids? There are many ways, but the best way is to be respectful, tactful and truthful. Tell (don't ask) them to discontinue their role. If this ends the friendship, better to find out now and move on. If it doesn't, as she may feel relieved to have the duty taken away, then place her among other guests so that she can still enjoy your wedding day. For more help on how to deal, give us a call for a Consultation or scour the Internet for tips.

No matter what, there are going to be people that will put a damper on your wedding planning process.
Try not to stress out too much, and keep in mind what you can do for your Bridesmaids to make the experience pleasurable for them and everyone else that's involved.
Good luck!